The dark side of the Pink Sofa

Pink Sofa is a lesbian networking site which is partly an online dating service, but also much more.  One of the features is called "Chit Chat", which is like a mini Facebook where members post statuses or comments that others can then reply to in thread form. The site is international but Chit Chat seems to be primarily used by Australians, New Zealanders and Brits, with a sprinkling of Americans for good measure.  The site is registered in and operated from South Australia.

Let me start by saying I love Pink Sofa. When I was in the depths of my despondency in 2013, figuring out who the hell I was, Pink Sofa was my refuge.  It helped me realise that yes, I was gay, and no, that wasn't a crime, and yes, lots of other women with husbands and child/ren have been and were going through the same things I was going through.  I made some amazing and supportive new friends, some of whom I also met in "real life", and I felt like I had found a safe haven to help me through my "journey" (god it's hard to write about this stuff without sounding like a lame cliché!)

So when they terminated my membership and refused me any further access to the site, it was a huge and devastating shock.

If you've read my post about the Chip Bag Incident from my childhood, you'll know that one of the things that just kills me is being unjustly accused of wrongdoing. So the fact that Pink Sofa has terminated my membership for some supposed breach of its terms and conditions or code of ethics but wont tell me which one or how I breached it makes me a very ugly combination of furious and miserable.  I have cried more than I care to admit.  I have spent long walks on the beach with the dog planning how I could march into the Pink Sofa office and refuse to leave until I get an apology and my membership reinstated.  I have lost sleep. And I'm not going to stop pursing justice.

Let me take you back a few steps...



The beginning
Once upon a time there was a member of Pink Sofa who I'll call PR.  She went on a trip to the UK and in order to meet as many 'pinkies' as possible, advertised a few meet ups to coincide with her trip. Now, I don't have access to the communications between PR and the Sofa, so this is third hand, but apparently she was emailed to say she couldn't advertise events in Chit Chat, and she then passed this message on to other pinkies on the Chit Chat wall.

A few of us expressed surprise about this, and I know I personally expressed that as the events section of the website isn't available on the mobile version of the site, it seemed logical to be able to advertise events in Chit Chat.  Suddenly, a few days later, PR disappeared from the site.  I was in contact with her "off sofa" and asked her where one of her posts had gone. She then realised that she could no longer access the site.  PR said she had been given no reason for her account termination.

The escalation
PR was a popular member of the Sofa and her disappearance was noted.  When those of us in contact with PR off the sofa said that she was unaware of why her membership had been terminated, it understandably caused some discussion.  Shortly afterwards, several of us who had been more vocal about PR's situation had our memberships suspended.  I received this message from Pink Sofa (I'll call myself PNZ for the purposes of this post):

________

Hi PNZ, 

We strive to create a positive and considerate environment for all Pink Sofa members. 

If a member is removed from the site we will not tolerate posts referencing the issue as other members are never in receipt of ALL the facts surrounding that member’s removal. Nor will we tolerate you posting at that ex-members behest. 

Your account has been placed on hold until such time as you have read this message and indicated you understand and agree to continue your membership with consideration for others; any breaches will result in your account being removed as per terms and conditions. 

Regards, 

Pink Sofa
___________

I responded:

Dear web mistress,

I have read this message, understand and agree to continue my membership with consideration for others.

However, I do not understand why you have terminated PR's account with no explanation to her of why. This goes against the laws of natural justice which state that a person has a right to know the case against them and to respond.

I am not purporting to have all the facts, but I am friends with PR outside of Pink Sofa and am concerned by the distress this has caused her. Providing her with a genuine reason for her account termination would at least give her some closure. 

Yours sincerely,

R_____, aka PNZ

______________

My membership was reinstated, and although I felt a little bit awkward about the whole situation, I was very glad to be back within the community in which I felt so comfortable. I was very careful not to reference the situation with PR at all.  A couple of days later I posted as my Chit Chat status "Auckland meet up tomorrow! Exciting!"  And with that, my membership was terminated.

The confusion
Now, the Auckland meet up had been originally suggested by PR, but it was still a genuine Sofa meet up, like any other meet up that was organised and advertised on Chit Chat. At that very moment, organisation for a London and/or Manchester meet up was going on on the Chit Chat wall. I had not referenced PR, nor was my post intended to indirectly reference PR or the previous "situation" (although I'm not sure what the problem was with that in the first place); I was expressing genuine excitement at meeting some Pink Sofa friends in real life!

When I realised I couldn't log in, my hands started shaking. I emailed Pink Sofa asking why I couldn't access the site. The response I got is the only response I have had from Pink Sofa to date.
______________

* According to our Terms 'The Company reserves the right to suspend and/or terminate your membership at any time at its absolute discretion.' In this case we have decided to terminate your membership. * As per previous warning.

Pink Sofa Pty Ltd

T___ T___ Community Manager

_______________

This was on 18 January 2013. I have since sent three emails to the Community Manager asking for an explanation, with absolutely no response at all.  I have explained my situation; I have begged for some kind of response, anything to give me closure at least. Another Sofa member petitioned on my behalf and the reply she received from the Community Manager suggested that she had 'put her trust in the wrong person' this time - inferring that I had done more than I was saying.

I found a Twitter address for Pink Sofa CEO Liz James and tried that:

I sent an email - again, no response. I have sent follow up tweets to Liz James; again, no response.

I was a subscribing member of the site, and had a month left of my subscription when my account was terminated, so have also lost money over this. But what I really care about is knowing why they have acted the way they have, and how many other people have been treated the same way.  Five or six members had their memberships terminated at the same time I did, and the majority of us are New Zealanders.  Was this a Kiwi cull?  Is there some kind of hidden agenda? I don't know, and that's the thing that's driving me mad.

So what do I want?
a) an explanation
b) an apology
c) my membership reinstated and/or the remainder of my subscription period refunded.
d) an assurance that this will not happen again.

If you share my outrage at the way this site has treated members of its community please comment here, and/or email or tweet the CEO, Liz James.  Lets get some answers and stop this from happening again:
liz@pinksofa.com
@pinksofabiz